Finding 'Cris' in Manchester

I was in Starbucks the other day when I saw this on my cup and took the photo. I don't know why, but it seemed pretty fitting right now for where I am in life. Who is Cris? Honestly, who is Chris?

I've been kind of silent for the past few days. My trip to Manchester has been the learning curve that I feel I've needed so far. It's had its really good moments and scarily dark moments, but in this current frame of mind I guess it's expected to have such polar opposite reactions.



I feel so out of place here, and yet at the same time I feel like I belong. I've never been great with finding places, let alone myself, so I just walk and walk here, slowly learning and understanding everything's placement - what it's near, memorable signs, anything I can muster to help me. I wish my brain was that easy to figure out. I've made a lot of mistakes here, taken a lot of wrong turns, but I took those roads - I made those decisions, and it's made me confirm that I need to do the same in life right now too. i need to take those steps and just go wherever the fucking long road takes me.

I took this time away to 'find' myself. With just one day left, I can't say that I have found what I was looking for, but I was seeking an answer for one of my biggest problems, and I think I found that answer today. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I don't think there is any other option. I refuse to let this break me, as much as I don't want to throw so much away, I can't succumb to other people's morbid secrets any longer. I can't stand by and, by default, support things that I in no way agree with, things that sicken and repulse me.

As hard as it is, I can't keep blaming myself for other peoples actions and things that are out of my control. For some stupid reason I love to blame myself for other people's bullshit and I can't any longer. I need to look out for myself. I need to find 'Chris' again, let alone this mysterious 'Cris' that haunts me whenever I'm in need of caffeine.

- Chris