Taking A Leap

The last few weeks have been complicated, to say the least. I haven't written much publicly, because it's hard to know what to say without it having a severe affect on other people.

Two weeks ago, I took the biggest leap of faith, something that I never thought I could do. Somehow I found the strength to take my life into my own hands and fight for what I believe in. Yet now, as I write this on a train headed to Munich airport, I am unsure of what lies ahead and whether I can pick myself up from this situation. I've grown strong in the last few weeks, but right now I feel weak, helpless and fearful. Fearful of what the future has in store for me; fearful of whether I am making a mistake; fearful of the rippling reactions that my action could cause.



This year has been hell and I can't stress that enough. Things that I had thought were set for life have fallen apart; my own health has become a constant issue; people in my life have shown me their true colours. As hard as I try to forget what has been done, how can I? I have to be firm in my belief that for the first time in my life I am doing what is right for me. Not what I believe will satisfy others, but focusing on what I need, or believe I need right now.

My depression is taking a firm grip of me currently, but I know - or I hope - that it won't last. I can't keep crying myself to sleep and fearing for my life, because at the end of the day I took that step. It wasn't easy - major life decisions never are, but was it the right one? Yes, I believe so. Will I get over this hurt? I sure hope so. Will the person(s) affected be okay? I pray that they will. Will I ever stop blaming myself for other people's problems? I'll keep my fingers crossed for that one.