No More

No more lies
No more hurt
No more tears
Over you

No more suffering
No more woes
No more lying
Under you

No more doubt
No more deception
No more manipulation
From you

No more sleepless nights
No more cold goodbyes
No more 'I love you's'
To you

This is the last poem I'll write about you
The last lie I'll take from you
The last tear I'll cry for you
I am over you.

I am over you.

Closing The GL Chapter

Yesterday was pretty fucking hard.

Anyone that has read 'Letting Him Go: Saying Goodbye To GL' knows that this mysterious GL, the brooding, 'intelligent' teacher, put me through the wringer and more in the almost two years that I've known him. His lies, erratic behaviour and broken promises have haunted me for so long, and as much as he had tried to deny it, he was a major catalyst in my depression, body dysmorphia and anorexia spiralling out of control.

Yesterday, I willingly met someone else that had been hurt by him, someone I had lied to on behalf of GL and I regret covering up for him immensely.

Teach Me

Teacher
Teach me
Teach me how you think
I'm wrong because I'll occasionally drink?
I'm not OK because I have fetishes?
Don't you too?
Don't you love to screw...
With me?
Mentally?
Emotionally?
Sexually?
I'm everything yet nothing
I'm all you want me to be
Yet nothing when it comes to it
Just a lingering kiss
A tingle on the lips
A scent I rememeber
A tear that became a friend
A message that cannot be unsent
A heart that cannot un-break
Despite what Braxton may say
Your lies upon lies
Like shit luring flies
Was bound to come out
Did you really have a doubt?
That words would be said?
To figure out your head?
What's going on in there?
I really shouldn't care
But I do
Tell me, who hurt you?
Who made you this way?
Who brought you to the brink
And told you it was okay?
It's not okay.
I would never,
He would never,
Treat you that way.
Chest ripped open
Heart on display
Complicating lives
Just so that you feel okay
So you feel wanted
To distract from your decay
So teacher,
Teach me.
What happened to you?
And what can I do
To try to get through to you?

Forever Goodbye

In the darkest hour of the night
I think of you
My mind racing
Remembering all that you said
Every word that you uttered
Every look that you gave
Every touch that I felt
But now those days are gone
And darkness surrounds
The shattered pieces of my heart
Shards of glass are all that remain
In my empty frame
I miss your laughter
And I miss the way you made me smile
The way you made me feel worthwhile
Like I was worth your time
But I was just a distraction
A short lived infatuation
And with no rhyme or reason
I was left behind
And though I've tried to abandon you too
I just can't escape you
I wouldn't want to
I keep thinking that I can change you
That my love could rearrange you
But it's deftly clear
That I have no place in your heart
That I have no glow in your eyes
That I'm not on your mind
That my voice doesn't ring in your ear
That you'll never be right here
That I'm not worth your time
I guess it's time to say 'Goodbye'
Forever, Goodbye.

Submissive - Poem

I'm on my knees
I'm begging you
But underneath
I'm telling you
You dominate
But I control
The things I want
You make them so
If my eyes stream
I want them to
Bite my lip
I'm commanding you
Call me 'bitch'
It makes me strong
Your hand on my neck
Making me throb
If I look up
You look so proud
Eyes of delusion
Thinking that you're crowned
But if I'm your slave
Then I own you
You and your meat
The submissive is you.

Opening Up

Sometimes it's hard to be honest. We fear people's response to us - will they accept me for who I am? Will they question why, who, where, when? Will they mock me? It's something I've struggled with my whole life - certain aspects, wants and desires under the surface that I fear revealing far and wide.

But why should I be scared? If I can't have confidence in myself and the things that form me then how can I expect anyone else to have confidence in me? So I made a bold decision, at least to me anyway, and began advertising some of my interests openly on Twitter. I'm not going to hide myself for anyone. I've spent long enough bending for other people and it's gotten me nowhere, so I'm going to be me.

And it's working. Great opportunities have come into my life since expressing my true self. Things are blossoming well and are coming to fruition. Where they'll go? Who can be sure, but it's a journey I look forward to taking on a road I've long dreamed of travelling.

I am the key to my future, nobody else, and that is true freedom.

All I Want - Poem

All I want is to feel you inside of me
All I want is for your hands to set fire to me
All I want is our bodies synchronising
All I want is our hearts intertwining

All I want is your lips brushing mine
All I want are your eyes to get lost inside
All I want is your skin caressing me
All I want are your fingers undressing me

All I want is your breath on my neck
All I want is one night we won't forget
All I want is to taste you, feel you, hear you
All I want is for after, to hear "I'll miss you"

All I want is for you to kiss these tears
All I want is that lust I've lacked for years
All I want us for you to be right here
All I want is you. Are you out there? Are you anywhere?