No More

No more lies
No more hurt
No more tears
Over you

No more suffering
No more woes
No more lying
Under you

No more doubt
No more deception
No more manipulation
From you

No more sleepless nights
No more cold goodbyes
No more 'I love you's'
To you

This is the last poem I'll write about you
The last lie I'll take from you
The last tear I'll cry for you
I am over you.

I am over you.

Closing The GL Chapter

Yesterday was pretty fucking hard.

Anyone that has read 'Letting Him Go: Saying Goodbye To GL' knows that this mysterious GL, the brooding, 'intelligent' teacher, put me through the wringer and more in the almost two years that I've known him. His lies, erratic behaviour and broken promises have haunted me for so long, and as much as he had tried to deny it, he was a major catalyst in my depression, body dysmorphia and anorexia spiralling out of control.

Yesterday, I willingly met someone else that had been hurt by him, someone I had lied to on behalf of GL and I regret covering up for him immensely.

Teach Me

Teacher
Teach me
Teach me how you think
I'm wrong because I'll occasionally drink?
I'm not OK because I have fetishes?
Don't you too?
Don't you love to screw...
With me?
Mentally?
Emotionally?
Sexually?
I'm everything yet nothing
I'm all you want me to be
Yet nothing when it comes to it
Just a lingering kiss
A tingle on the lips
A scent I rememeber
A tear that became a friend
A message that cannot be unsent
A heart that cannot un-break
Despite what Braxton may say
Your lies upon lies
Like shit luring flies
Was bound to come out
Did you really have a doubt?
That words would be said?
To figure out your head?
What's going on in there?
I really shouldn't care
But I do
Tell me, who hurt you?
Who made you this way?
Who brought you to the brink
And told you it was okay?
It's not okay.
I would never,
He would never,
Treat you that way.
Chest ripped open
Heart on display
Complicating lives
Just so that you feel okay
So you feel wanted
To distract from your decay
So teacher,
Teach me.
What happened to you?
And what can I do
To try to get through to you?

Forever Goodbye

In the darkest hour of the night
I think of you
My mind racing
Remembering all that you said
Every word that you uttered
Every look that you gave
Every touch that I felt
But now those days are gone
And darkness surrounds
The shattered pieces of my heart
Shards of glass are all that remain
In my empty frame
I miss your laughter
And I miss the way you made me smile
The way you made me feel worthwhile
Like I was worth your time
But I was just a distraction
A short lived infatuation
And with no rhyme or reason
I was left behind
And though I've tried to abandon you too
I just can't escape you
I wouldn't want to
I keep thinking that I can change you
That my love could rearrange you
But it's deftly clear
That I have no place in your heart
That I have no glow in your eyes
That I'm not on your mind
That my voice doesn't ring in your ear
That you'll never be right here
That I'm not worth your time
I guess it's time to say 'Goodbye'
Forever, Goodbye.

Fly Away - Poem

I don't know what you're looking for
But I know it's not me
You say you've moved on
I hope that makes you happy.

You say I'm attractive
Clearly not enough for you
You once said nothing would go wrong
Like a fool I believed you.

You chose a different path
You just forgot to tell me
Now I'm lost, alone without a map
And you refuse to help me.

I don't know what you're looking for
But now I know it's not me
You're free, fly away into the sun
I hope he makes you happy.

Why Don't You See Me? - Poem

Why don't you see me
Like I've seen you?
I don't need those three words
I just need a sign from you.

Why don't you touch me
Like I've touched you?
Your hands were so soft
Now I have claw marks from you.

Why don't you absorb me
Like I've absorbed you?
Pulsating inside me
My blood rushing for you.

Why don't you see me
Like you used to do?
Your actions make me believe
That I mean nothing to you.

Why don't I see me
Like you see you?
Because I think with my heart
A heart that still beats for you.

Letting Him Go: Saying Goodbye

Last year I met someone. Somebody that in a few months managed to turn my world around, made me question everything that I thought I knew of my life, and for the first time in a long time, made me feel good about myself.

He was smart, funny and distinctly handsome, so I couldn't believe it when he wanted to meet me for coffee. It took a few weeks to arrange, but eventually we did and I was glad to have met a new friend. It was a complicated situation. I was married and he was in a long-term relationship - I know, I should have known better. 

Teacher - A Rough, Imperfect Poem

I didn't ask to know him,

He came into my life by chance.

The teacher with the deep eyes,

I drowned in them so fast.

We clicked almost immediately,

His touch making me shiver.

I trusted him, confided in him,
For months he made me shimmer.

His attention made me glow,
His kisses made me explode.

For the first time in forever,
I felt wanted, not alone.

He understood me, or so I thought,

His trembling lips making me weak.

He told me he wanted me, he needed me,
And with those words I was complete.

But I wasn't enough for him,

My attention gave his confidence a rise.
And while I was at home thinking of him,
Another man was falling into those eyes.

Suddenly, he was gone,
I wasn't his 'handsome' any more.
Everything we had was ironically the past,
The history teacher and I were no more.

It's so easy to deny what we had,
When you're happy with somebody else.
So I'm left here, drowning in these feelings,
Feelings I didn't ask for, but you taught me so well.

You taught me that I wasn't good enough.
You taught me that I trust too easily.
You taught me that I shouldn't open up.
You taught me that everyone I care for leaves me.